Dear anxiety,
I must admit, you are a formidable opponent. Your fight is strong, your will to steal unyielding and persistent. You are not satisfied with a portion, always hungry for more, thirsty for blood, and greedy for every moment that I am free from your grip. You bubble up in me, surprise me at the corner, pounce, attack, and it feels so often that I am far too weak to shake you off. You’re like a leech that sucks me dry. You’re like a big pimple on my face that distracts everyone around me. I fear they don’t look into my eyes, hear the words I’m saying, or notice the intention of my heart. All they notice about me is you…a big, ugly, zit. You are a wall that blocks me from connection, a bubble that bounces others off, a tight plastic coating that binds my arms and legs. You feel most like prison- restraining me, telling me what to do, and preventing me from living in freedom or joy. You ruin the sweetest of moments. You interrupt the best and worst of days. You stir me up, cause my heart to pound, make my mind worry about a million things all at once. So much of what I’ve spent time fearing never happened or worked out naturally. I regret letting you take the reigns. I’ve let you spoil moments I can’t get back. You’ve never busted down the doors, I have always let you inside. I sat back and watched you wreck my house and my most valuable possessions. I want to close the door now. I don’t want to let you in anymore- and I don’t have to. You’ve never kicked your way in, I have always hosted you. I heard your whisper and believed I had no choice ; but, that is another one of your tricks. I don’t have to live this way anymore. I am the author of my own life. I don’t have to passively sit back and accept this abusive relationship. I reclaim my mind. The sign is up in the lawn. The territory belongs to someone else now. You are no longer welcome. You are officially uninvited. In your place, I welcome a new guest. Truth tells me that I don’t have to worry, my needs will always be met, and reminds me that God is not angry or far off. Truth tells me I have a father, friend, savior, and victor called “Jesus”. He loves me, calls me to live freely, prompts me to joy, peace, strength, and courage. This new guest doesn’t steal, destroy, abuse, or bind. Truth gives me life, sets me free, lifts me up, and propels me forward. Because, as we both now know, I have bigger and better things to do.
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says “do not be afraid”. The voice of truth says “this is for my glory”. Out of all the voices calling out to me. I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”
–Casting Crowns, “The Voice of Truth”
Anonymous I&A Client
